In the Key of Deb

It seems I blink and suddenly it is 2 months later and I’ve not posted a thing. Though I’m sure there aren’t many of you that read this every day just wishing and hoping for another update of “Debtopia” but I find writing these little posts to be at least a little cathartic. Probably incredibly vain as well… but cathartic nonetheless. 

I noticed something today – change is in the air. And I’m not talking about the change promised by our new president. I’m talking about life changes. It seems that everyone I know is going through so much. I know of so many that are going through divorces, or long relationships that are ending. I’ve got friends having children, or some that are getting married. I have friends that are reinventing themselves and trying to finally figure out who it is they want to be. Others are moving across the country or searching for new jobs… It just seems that there is a lot going on for everyone. It then seems very selfish of me to be wrapped up and absorbed in my own little troubles when so many people that I love are going through so much turmoil. 

I have spent the last couple weeks in a funk, trying to deal with some of my issues and scars from the past. However, now… as I sit here thinking about all the more important issues that are surrounding those that I love, I just feel like I should be a better friend.

So to those of you that are hurting and struggling through major life changes, please know that I’m here, that I care, and that I love you.

2008 was an interesting year for me. I learned a lot and as I sit here reflecting on it, I realize just how much I’ve grown in this past year. 2009 will be here in just a couple of days, and I, for one, couldn’t be more excited. 

Part 1. The E. 

It seems like just yesterday that I was working with the E. I had put in so much energy and work into trying to make that place what I thought it could be  I wanted it to be, but life decided to show me a different path. Most of you that read this know the story, and there is no reason for me to rehash it here. Mainly because I don’t see any of the things that occurred as bad any longer. I did at the time. I was hurt and I was worried that in this city I wouldn’t find any place to continue to work, to do what I love. I am so glad to find out that I was wrong. I look back at my time there fondly, and I thank them for what I did learn and for the opportunities I received. I wish them nothing but success. 

Part 2. The new E. 

I’m so excited about the new venture. 2008 brought clarity of vision to me. I realized how I wanted to do theatre, and I realized just how many people share that vision with me. I’m thrilled to be joining Colin, Tish, Meg, and Arthur in this new challenge. I know it won’t always be easy, in fact, it will be a lot of work, but I know that Equinox Theatre Company will bring our voices to the Denver Theatre Community. Our voices may not be revolutionary or something groundbreaking, but they are OUR voices and I’m proud to share them with everyone.

Our first production is underway, Below the Fold A Blog on Stage. It is the show that I co-wrote (well, co-adapted for the stage) and I believe in the play and the script more than I’ve believed in any piece of work I’ve done. Its beautiful. And on top of that, I get to share the experience with my brother (the writer) and that makes it even more wonderful and special. Auditions are next week, I have my director hat ready, and a-way we will go. 

Part 3. I’m a writer?

I’m still not totally sure how that happened. I started writing for the Examiner as the Denver Theatre Examiner and all of a sudden people started to read what I had to say. I have been getting such great feedback and support from my friends and from the community. My mission was simple – to write about the 90 plus theatre companies in this town that don’t get the press that they deserve. There is so much incredible work being done, and I wanted to make sure that someone was taking the time to recognize it. 

The other day I was having dinner with a friend and he called me a journalist. I quickly corrected him. Then he quickly corrected me. Then I sat there and thought about that for a moment. Hm. I guess he is right. I get paid (though not much) to write. And even better – I get to write about what I love. 

Part 4. Victory

Relationships are tricky. And I think the older I get the more difficult they get. As the big Three-Oh gets closer, I keep getting reminded by people that I’m single, that I should be thinking about kids and that I’m not getting any younger… and you know what? I am fine with that. I know I will settle down find someone that compliments me in the right way when I am ready. In the mean time, I’m enjoying dating and the journey that I am on. I am in no rush, and I feel like my life is quite full and satisfying as it is right now. This past year I’ve finally been able to get to a place where I can say those words and mean them. I think that is a pretty big victory. 

Part 5. High hopes

My amazing friend Bernie said something to me the other day that I am still thinking about. I mentioned to him that I was afraid of getting my hopes up. He replied “what’s the point of having hopes if you never get them up?” And he is so right. I’m getting them up. I have high hopes for 2009 and I’m excited about it. I already know that 2009 will bring a lot of very exciting things: 

1. Equinox’s first (and hopefully 2nd) show
2. Below the Fold will be brought to the stage
3. I get to do a re-mount of Night of the Living Dead, a show that I simply LOVED doing and can’t wait to do again
4. I already have plans to work with 3 different theatre companies and I’m sure more will come
5. I’ll continue to write and provide the voice to small theatre in Denver
6. I will turn 30, and I’m happy about it I’ll probably still freak out a bit
7. I will turn 30, and fear the payback from my brother’s 30th birthday (and the wonderful prank that I played on him)

Part 6. And so she goes.

I don’t know what else will happen in the coming years. I don’t know where this path that I am on is going. All I know is that I’m ready and I feel more prepared for this journey then I’ve ever felt before. I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends and family, and I just hope I can show them all the same love and support that they have shown me.

So, as the ball drops on 2008, drink your champagne, kiss those that you love, and blow your noise makers to celebrate the coming of the new year. Celebrate the future that you have in front of you and the path that you are on. Celebrate the people that you love and the people that love you. I know that is what I will be doing. Until then – I wish you the happiest and healthiest of New Years.

I had a rough day today. I tried to keep my smile pasted on, and I tried to not let it show. But today was a rough one. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll get past the crap and it will be ok. But sometimes you just have a rough day.

I haven’t written in a while, and I apologize. I have a bunch of excuses lined up – busy with my show, busy with auditions, got wrapped up in the election, my computer died, I was maimed in a horrible bowling accident and I lost the use of my 2nd and 4th finger on each hand…. well, truth is I just got caught up in my own little world. Not a lot has happened, but in some ways a ton has happened. So I thought an update might be nice. We can call this the 1st update of my 29th year:

Work:
Work is going well. I’m trending for a 7% raise this year, which would be really nice. I definitely hope that happens. I’m not pushing too hard for a promotion or anything else, mainly because with more responsibility comes less free time – and I like having a job that gives me time for everything else.

Theatre:
Theatre is incredible right now. I just closed my show with the Bug – Night of the Living Dead. It was an incredible success. We had huge and wonderful houses and every night the audience just loved it. I’m pretty sad that it is over. But I met a whole new group of amazing friends and we may even get to do it again next year. I was afraid that once I left the E Project I wouldn’t be able to find work. I was worried that I wouldn’t get cast or that I’d be stuck. Well, its not even December yet and I’ve got 5 shows lined up for 2009. Working with Firehouse, Vintage, and the Bug, in addition to Spotlight and everything else. So I guess that worry was my own creation. I’ve also jumped in with the Colorado Theatre Guild and I’m helping with their annual awards ceremony, so my precious little free time is now down to 4 hours a night for sleep.

Friends
I have to say, I’ve got the most incredible friends in the world. The continued support and unconditional love that comes from my “chosen family” (As Cat put it)  astounds me. We are all in this same place in life – struggling with finding identity and work and love all while pursuing our passion and love for theatre. Its a wonderful group of people and I love them.

Relationships:
Nope… not gonna talk about it. Don’t wanna jinx anything just yet.

Examiner:
My job writing with the Examiner has been great. I’m getting to write about what I love and spread the word all over town about the amazing creative talent in Denver. Its also opened, and continues to open doors for me. I’m building my own reputation and its a blast.

Family:
My family is doing great. Everyone seems to be doing better. Its funny that after 2 months of some of the most difficult times in our lives, now its like a complete 180. I guess sometimes it takes situations like that to really turn things around. Now I just hope that things continue on this path.

Politics:
A year ago I would never have inlcuded politics on an update like this. And maybe its just me, but it feels like the whole country has a new electricity. Obama is the most impressive speaker I’ve ever seen. His speech made me want to jump up and go volunteer somewhere. He inspires my generation, and he is the first president since Kennedy to really get the youth support. I have high hopes for him.

Well I guess that is pretty much it. The first update of my 29th year. I have faith and confidence that things will continue to get better, and I am incredibly excited for what the next year will bring. So now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

I turn 30 in 1 year and 24 days. Its been bothering me a bit. Mainly because I’m feeling very much like I haven’t accomplished anything in my life. It is so easy to fall into that “Is this my life at this age” depression that hits most everyone. I mean, are any of you exactly where you thought you’d be at this age in your life? Thinking back, I remember when 30 seemed so old. So far away. Like it would never happen to me. And now, I turn 29 at the end of this month. And I’m terrified that I have nothing to show for it. So, at the advice of a friend. I’m going to first make a list of things I can be proud of and accomplishments that I have already achieved. We all make lists of things that we want to do by a certain age. There are tons of books about things to do before you die and stuff you hope to achieve. But I think celebrating what you’ve ALREADY achieved seems a bit healthier emotionally. Anyway, here we go.

1.      I’m a professional actor, director, and stage manager. (If you get paid, its professional right? Doesn’t matter how much.)

2.      I am also a professional writer, and get to write about my passions (see note above)

3.      I have built a name for myself in the Denver Theatre Community and I continue to grow my reputation

4.      I own my home

5.      I have surrounded myself with wonderful caring friends that I have learned can really be depended on

6.      In the past two years I have lost about 60 lbs

7.      In the past two years I have grown a lot and learned to love who I am and embrace my individuality

8.      I have found a job that allows me the freedom to do what I love and participate in theatre

9.      I have found my passion in life and I’m actually doing it

10.  I have graduated from college with a Bachelors degree (and a lot of debt)

11.  I’ve learned from my relationship mistakes and I finally know what I will and will handle in a relationship

12.  My car is almost paid off

13.  I have built a friendship with my brother that I treasure as the most important relationship in my life

14.  I’ve traveled to at least 3 other countries.

15.  I’ve been to at least 20 other states.

16.  I have met Bruce Campbell, Jay Leno, Paula Abdul, and the chick that played Daisy Duke.

17.  I have successfully avoided meeting Carrot Top

18.  I have the courage to put this list on the internet for all of you to read

In the past 2 weeks I’ve been contacted by 3 different people from my past. It seems a bit odd to me. There was the guy that I used to date that I haven’t seen in about 15 years, the girl that was my room mate and I haven’t seen her in about 5 years, and the guy that was a good friend and I haven’t seen him in about 10 years. It seems odd to me that 3 different people, all knew different aspects of me, all tried to contact me at the same time. I wonder why that is. Is there something in the air? Something in the water? I wonder what made them think about me.

It is nice, to be remembered, and to have people want to track you down and see how you are. I wonder who will try to track me down in another 10 years. I wonder what friends I will no longer talk to, and I wonder who won’t be in my life anymore. I wonder what they’ll remember about me, and will make them want to contact me. And I wonder who I’ll want to track down. 10 years seems like a long time from now, but looking back, doesn’t it seem like yesterday?

I really love being able to watch someone’s talent develop. I’ve been so lucky in the past few months to know a photographer and watch her talent blossom. Meg Ralph is not only an amazing friend, but her photography skills are just fabulous. Now, I know next-to-nothing about photography (I had a failed attempt at being a photographer when I was a teenager, and ended up with 48 pictures of my thumb) But I do know when I see a good picture. I think that is one of the great things about this art – it looks so easy, but only a truly gifted photographer can actually make it look that easy.  You’ve all seen the masked ball photos, but check out the other photos below. Meg really is an artist in bloom.

Look I have a mask!

Look I have a book!

Look I'm in a car!

And this is my favorite.

I think I may be a bad person. There is someone I work with that drives me crazy. And not in the good way. This person drives me crazy in the I-want-to-pick-up-my-computer-monitor-and-throw-it-over-the-cubicle-wall-at-her way. Problem is – I have absolutely NO reason to want to throw said computer monitor at her. See… I’m a bad person. Am I alone here??